mushy post

listening to : Only One - Yellowcard.

first, let bring me your vision to this post's title. its gonna be real mushy. for those who can handle it, can stay reading. those who dont, you're allowed to click the red cross button. thank you. (no pun intended).

im not really sure what im feeling now. but i sure do know, nothing overwhelms happiness right this moment. guess im slightly disappointed thats all. but ive expected it to be, so what? ive expect worst, even. i know i can not handle it, but i still went straight to it. so why the qualms? i know whats gonna happen then, so why complain now? why this feeling? plus, its been years ago. in fact FOUR FREAKING years ago, asshole. why cant i just shut the fuck up. afterall, i intend it. no one else. even you told me to stop & dont go ahead if i cant get a grip with it. its over Fini, get it over and done with.

dear Baby,

i love you so much. i cant run from the fact that im all over you. my headstrong, never failed to get me feeling worst, each time. thank you for trusting me with your words. after giving me the pass to read your past(posts dated year 2005). your infatuation for someone else. i felt... like i was floating. something like.. sorry i dont know. it seems like you took so long to forget her. and this heart shrinks.

then it came to the posts where you were writing about me, anonymously. one word - 'wow'. i didnt read your archives that far, so i didnt know what you were thinking at that point of time. i didnt know you posted about me, whats with even 'liking' me. it makes me feel so much better. how you got really hurt, when i was 'confused'. how you stood by me, with that neutral expression. and all along i knew nothing about how you feel. i must be blind. oh, i was all along. you were right in front of me. but i see through you. and obliviously breaking your heart. but you stood still. you knew you had the chance to back off many times, but you kept on going for your luck. i knew it wasnt easy for you, cos for sure, you never aimed for another heart ache. and you waited..

till one day i realised how much you mean to me. how i got crazy when you didnt text or call for a day. i guess that was a test? but it sure does kill. i made a decision, i'd choose you over anyone else. cos in you, i see sincerity, honesty, care and Love. and i know, that decision wasnt rash. how you were willing to wait. your tolerancy over my childish attitudes. you have all that i want in a partner. life partner. and since then, i never had any issues to stay. i knew i made the perfect decision all along. my heart beats for you. my mind longs for you. thats just how much i love you.

sorry if i'd trouble you with continuous dumb questions. how much i pressed on to get you to give me your permission. i love it when you absolutely knew how i would react and get hurt if i were to know things i dont exactly yearned for. i love it whenever you ensured me, that im your one and only right now, no one else gets in the way.

three words to express what exactly im feeling right now.

i love you, Sufi Hizrian.

:D