aint gonna give up.

things dont always go our way, not every single time. to put it in words how we would usually feel about this is - it sucks. things that we tend to do when such situation arises are, slamming our head on the wall or just shutting people up. well, as for me, i would rather get myself in a deep, really really deep sleep. hoping i would land myself in the most wonderful dream. hoping that dream will last for the longest time. hoping i could sleep forever with nothing bothering. just thinking of nothing. & again, i can never get it.

so i tried resorting myself tuning in to all genre of songs. from ballad to pop to hardcore. and, i say, i'd choose hardcore. it kinda soothe my mind, magically. best to say, in an instant. you wont know how much these meaningful lyrics can affect you. really. but trust me, ill never listen to nymphatemine - cradle of filth, in the middle of the night because, ill end up crying myself to sleep. its a little too gory for my upset mind to handle. for my ears to bear, with such pleghmy voice. for my night to turn even eerie-er, for i could imagine all kind of pale faced/bloody ghosts streaming in my room.

but these things i do to get me off everything, will only shred off a lil of what major thing im going through. my abhorence for these problems, just increases even more.

then i wish, what happened, didnt happened.

then again, i wont let these things get over me. raced, caught & pound on me. Baby once said.

"we can never run away from our problems. either you'll stand up to it, or it'll
get worse. dont let them run on us".

i will stand up to it then. if its for the best. but i should think, plan, & make it right. & these requires lots of effort. lots & lots of them. i have no idea if i could personally handle it, though i know, behind me stood my loved ones who are more than willing pick me up whenever i fail to comply with what really myself to succeed.

there's one more thing i need to consider, hard. that is, the way i handle things. i know, i always use lots of force & which never failed to end with the biggest mess. then mum adviced me,

"giving in, doesnt mean you lose. in fact, you're winning by taking the
lead & not blasting your head off".

so, i should learn to keep my cool. i repeat again, this will sweat me off to the final drop. but im going to do it. strongly & positively.

Fini never learns to give up & she never will.