Yours truly;

evening people.

im done with maghrib prayers & towards the end of it, i cried. i realised, i've never been a filial daughter all my life. ask me; what have i done to make my parents feel proud of me? all my life, ive given them ONLY continuous disappointments. i failed my first try for Os, will i be doing it for the second time? am i going to crush em' hearts again? havent the big tragedy that happen to dad early this year enough to wake me up from my daze? just, what's up with me? why cant i just be fuggin grateful for what they've done for me all this while? havent they sacrificed much for my life?

dad. you worked so hard all your life for our family. you knew you've to work for your children despite your age & especially your health. you once told mum, when you were already sick, "i have to work, i really have to. i have to work for our children. they need to school, they're still young." i cried, i cried so hard. what happen to you early this year, is just sick, totally. but it's God's will, we have to go through the worst times of our life, faithfully & wholeheartedly. now that you're no more the breadwinner of our family, now that you cant work anymore, is this how i should still behave? no dad. i'll make you proud. you'll get well, really soon. & you're still & always be the man of the house.

mum. the strongest woman ever, in my life. you patiently bear with all my nonsense. you went through the hardest time with dad. you were they all along. you never gave up. at home, you purposely DID NOT leave me with any household chores, just so i can study in comfort. you did everything. at my age, i should already be so familiar with all the daily household chores, but not really. i should be the girl to tidy the house since you have the biggest responsibilty to care for dad, but have i done anything to make you feel less burdened? i knew i've wasted months when i should be faithfully studying, but i guess its not too late for anything right. i'll pass my Os mum, i can assure you that. i wont dissapoint you, again.

bro. we've been having bad times almost all the time. but you've always bear with all my rude acts. you're the only sibling i have, & i know whatever happens, its only you whom i can depend on. you cared so much for me like how our parents did. i wont dissappoint you too abg. i'll pass Os, & follow your footsteps.

uncle. the one & only man who pampers me sososo much. the one who adhered to all my needs. the only one who's now working so hard for my family. i'll repay, at least a wee bit of your kindness.

this is the time. i'll push myself hard. so hard that i'll create a smile across each & everyone of your face. i'll work so hard even if it takes me to have lack of sleep, or wholly bone-tired. i know my hard work will pay off. i owe my life to my family. once im done & hopefully after i've a achieved awaited success, i only have all my thanks to the people i love.

for tonight, i hope to feel a good kind of fatigue for my hard work, cos only then, i'll have the most contented feeling that i've always wanted[: